Have you ever been called a freak weirdo or strange? I have. And it is true.
Have you ever been called a freak weirdo or strange? I have. And it is true.
I used to feel imperfect in lots of ways in this world where I believed everything and everyone was perfect except me. I felt I was not smart or good-looking or had any talent or skills and carried a bag full of other insecurities. I used to think I was weird and I did not deserve the life that ‘perfect’ people enjoy. My ‘no fun under the sun’ syndrome led me to avoid get-togethers if it involved more than three people, and social gatherings, or any opportunity to socialize.
I preferred the company of solitude and it was not an issue until it started to bother me in my late 20s. It made me sad that I was unable to enjoy people’s company like others did. I wanted to mingle, laugh, and be funny and charismatic but the more I tried, the harder and weirder it got. In my quest to get out of these insecurities, I attended courses, read books and watched other ‘perfect’ people around me, and decided to ‘fake it until I make it’. It did work to some extent but was not sustainable as all it took was some stranger to comment about my nose or bring up any of my insecurities and I would scurry back to my shell.
So I got curious and interviewed people who I assumed were ‘perfect’. I asked questions such as how they think, how they maintain themselves so presentable, how they approach problems in life, how they learn and retain information, and other similar information that I can imitate. Two key findings from these interviews were:
- Everyone had the same fears and insecurities that I had. Although people maintained a persona of total confidence and perfect lives, they all feared that others might be better than them; others might be loved more than them; and others might have better-secured family and friendship groups than them. However, the only difference was they maintained an attitude of ‘I can control my life if I make an effort’.
- People called me freak or weird because I was not like them, I was different to them and it is human nature to try and convert people into who we are rather than accept people for who they are. So in an attempt to make me think and act like them, they put me down so that I would break down. Well, my answer to those who call me a freak is ‘only a freak can spot another freak’!
With what I learnt, this is what I did
- I started accepting who I was. I acknowledge that I am not an academic genius however I am good at reading people, resolving problems for others through negotiation, taking calculated risks, exploring new life experiences and never giving up
- Started making decisions for myself rather than looking for someone to help me out or looking up to other people to imitate. If my decisions did not yield what I wanted, then it meant that I needed to learn from the experience. I, however, always trusted my decision-making over others’
- I will believe and act as if I am in charge of my life and any situation around me rather than leaving it to others or fate. If I want fun then I will make sure I create a fun atmosphere, or if I find something boring then I will stop doing it rather than let it run its course
- I am blessed with good physical features and I will nourish them by eating, thinking, and staying healthy and vibrant instead of comparing myself with others
- Everything I do must be meaningful and fun. If not, then I will not waste my time on it
- I am happy with my ‘imperfections’ and I own it and celebrate it
Accepting my ‘perceived imperfections’ gave me an inner confidence and beauty that others could see, acknowledge, and find attractive.
So the secret I found is that I am imperfect in my own way, but so is everyone, nevertheless how I see myself inside is how people saw me outside.
I welcome all those ‘perceived imperfect’ people out there to message me or leave me a comment if you are struggling with insecurities. I can help you see your inner beauty, strength, and power; and honestly, it is not worth carrying that baggage.
